


until the day you realize you can't forget me

by i_run_on_pasta



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: AU, And at summaries, Angst, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Pining, Sad with a Happy Ending, and pasta loves jasmine tea, just give it a shot, oh and they all play on the same team, there's tons of jasmine petals, willy/pasta is my endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-24 07:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15626223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_run_on_pasta/pseuds/i_run_on_pasta
Summary: willy suffers more than he deserves, kappy is an amazing friend, who just got caught up somewhere in the middle and david just doesn't get what's happening. (until he does.)-au where you cough up flower petals when the person you are in love with doesn't love you back.





	until the day you realize you can't forget me

**Author's Note:**

> heyy,  
> i've been writing this fic the past few days.  
> i really love reading fics with the willy/pasta paring and there are way to few of them on here in my opinion so i decided to contribute!  
> i don't know if anyone is even interested in reading this so i'm gonna look if i'll even continue this.  
> anyway, let me know what u think and enjoy!

william was home alone on a day off the first time it happened. neither training nor a game scheduled for that day. he thankfully had no other reason to leave his apartment, either.

if he was being honest with himself, he had been expecting it all that time, knew it would happen one day or on the other but it still somehow caught him off-guard.

the hanahaki disease was something you had heard about at least once in your lifetime. it was nothing unknown those days, not with it affecting a larger amount of people than it should. after all everyone deserved to be loved back. it was sad to see it be so common, even in his own circle of family and friends.

but it wasn't something people normally liked to speak about. it was more a intimate and personal thing no one wanted to share. only the news mentioned it the every other day, a death case here, a death case there. survivors were rare.

hence, it was hard for him not be expecting it to happen, being a gay, not outed hockey player in the nhl, who was in love with his totally straight teammate. he didn't believe in miracles.

at that point he was in love with david for such a long time, he was actually surprised it didn't happen much, much sooner.

his stomach sank at the realization anyway. he wasn't foolish but there still was a small part of him hoping that he had been wrong about everything, hoping that maybe david did love him back after all.

he sighed.

william liked flowers, he really did. it wasn't something he talked about but he always thought they were breathtaking. the symbol of love, romance, purity or just simple friendship. for him they stood for everything beautiful in the world, reminded him of his loved ones. existent in so many colors and types, every single one different from another but gorgeous in their very own way.

he sighed again, lost in thoughts and ran his fingers over the fragile, white petals of the jasmine unconsciously. he inspected the plant carefully, cautious not to crush the blossom. his gaze lingered on the drying blood still attached to the flower.

to speak the truth, he didn't want to throw the flower away. it reminded him of david and deep down he didn't want to forget his love for him, didn't want to forget **him**. 

throwing the flower away would feel like he attempted to do that, william reasoned.

he simply didn't want to stop loving him. 

with his thoughts set he stood up, flower in hand and walked into the kitchen to wash it in the sink. after that he put it into an empty vase he found, filled it with water and placed it onto a windowsill, where he knew it would get all the sun it needs to grow.

he stared at the plant for a few, quiet moments before he turned on his heel and walked out of the door connecting his kitchen with his livingroom. the white petals of the jasmine were standing out strongly against the deep, dark red of the pot sitting on the sill. it's leafs softly blowing in the small breezes of air rushing through the window.

he still thought the flower looked beautiful, even considering where it came from and **why**. but he couldn't bring himself to hate it, jasmines were davids favourite flowers after all. 

william loved everything that reminded him of him. even something as painful as the flower. 

-

william came a bit too late to practice the next day, holding a cup of coffee in his slightly shaking right hand and the duffel bag with his gear in it in his left. he was fighting to stay awake, feeling sick and weak, body heavy with drowsiness.

he didn't sleep all night, totally underestimated the fact that he would have to run to the bathroom every ten minutes to cough up those fucking flowers. he finally found his release when the sun started raising. his stomach calmed down and he was finally able to catch a bit of the much needed sleep. but this resulted in him sleeping through all of the alarms he set up the previous evening. 

now his throat was sore, he was fighting to keep his eyes open **and** late to practice. god damn him and his luck.

all his teammates were already in the locker room when he opened the door, the majority of them standing together in a cluster of people, cheering and shouting happily not far away from his locker. they turned towards him for a second, probably expecting him to be the coach and once they saw it was only him they turned their attention away again, towards someone quietly speaking.

william let out a silent breath in relief, thankful that their coach indeed wasn't there yet but furrowed his brows as he looked closer at the group. 

there was david standing there in the middle, surrounded by their teammates. a light pink flush high on his cheekbones and down his neck. (william thought he looked cute like that. wanted to make him look that way **himself**.)

he stared at david confusedly, eyes roaming over him slowly, looking for clues and then he saw **it**. 

there was a giant hickey on davids neck. the angry, dark red mark basically glowing against his otherwise pale skin. 

william swallowed heavily around the lump that formed in his throat, mouth suddenly drier and more painful than it was before. he quickly diverted his eyes like he's been burned and instead stared at the floor as he entered the locker room and shuffled towards his locker without a word. not greeting and asking any of his teammates about their free day like he normally would. 

he didn't feel like talking anymore.

he could feel someones (davids) gaze lingering on the back of his head, following him questioningly but he didn't turn around to acknowledge it. he was most likely only wondering why william walked in late. it was unusual after all. 

"new girlfriend?" a voice chirped teasingly. william didn't know who the voice belonged to, he was too busy glaring at the floor grumpily.

"yes." the voice that clearly belonged to david said. william knew without having to look up, he could point the sound of his voice out amongst millions of others.

if he would have been looking he would have seen the small but fond smile on davids face as he continued. "i met her at a bar a few weeks ago," he said softly. "her name is lucie. she's czech, too. like me."

"that's enough," william thought irritated, nose scrunching up in disgust. he proceeded to pull his skates on with more force than needed.

the rest of the conversation was blocked out by all the thoughts racing through his head.

-

william was unusually quiet that practice, avoiding conversation or any kind of social contact that wasn't strictly necessary like the plague. 

he was distracted and acting very unlike himself the whole time. he fucked up a few drills he usually did perfectly fine in. his shots were sloppy, flew everywhere except into the goal and his movements on the ice were hectic, making him slip and fall more often than not, cursing colorfully in swedish every time he pushed himself up again.

but no one could have noticed, he told himself. and even if they did, they probably just blamed it on one of williams moods. nothing out of the ordinary.  
(everyone noticed but no one had the heart to bring it up.)

except kappy, of fucking course.

"what's up with you today?" he asked bluntly, as he was coming to a stop in front of him. williams tired eyes were tracking the bits of snow that were flying from under his skates distractedly.

"it's nothing. just-" william sighed and lifted his gaze up to look at his friend. 

"i'm tired, okay?" he said, wincing at how snippy that sounded. 

'it's not his fault, don't let it out on him." william had to remind himself, repeating those thoughts in his head over and over again like a mantra.

"i didn't sleep so well last night," he started again, softer this time. "the new air conditioning in my apartment was keeping me awake," he lied.

it wasn't a complete lie at least. he was very damn tired.

before kappy even had the chance to open his mouth to answer he added "it's nothing, really. don't worry about it." hurriedly. william gestured with his hands for emphasis, but all it did was nearly making him lose his balance again.

kappy looked at him suspiciously, narrowing his eyes at him but didn't dwell on it further.

"get it fixed," he said curtly before skating off into the other direction again.

william let out yet another sigh of relief that day, thankful for the fact that his friend wasn't a nosy person.

-

after that talk training went pretty much smoothly and without any further complications. 

he sneaked a few looks at david here and there throughout practice. he was skating fast and confident, entertaining to watch. william had to force himself to tear his eyes away again most of the time. 

when they were done for the day he threw his gear into his duffel bag and quickly disappeared into the showers. william turned the spray icy cold, hoping it would wake him up and make him feel fresh again and make him leave as soon as possible. he knew he would waste too much time showering would he turn the water a more bearable. 

william was the first to leave the locker room fully dressed in his streetwear, without waiting on david to be done too like he normally tended to do, together going out to grab food or hang out. 

william naively hoped the other wouldn't notice.

(david noticed, of course he did. he shot kappy a quesioning look, failling miserably in keeping the obvious mix of hurt and worry off his expression. kappy just shrugged apologetic.)

-

william fell onto his knees and puked out a massive amount of jasmine petals the first thing after he closed and locked the door to his apartment.

he felt it growing inside of him all the way through practice, all left for him to do was praying he could hold it in until he was in the safety of his home. 

he tried his best to control himself when he was around people, both strangers and friends. he really didn't want anyone to see or find about this secret. no one and especially not david.

he could already imagine the worried looks of clear pity on his teammates face would they find out. he didn't want anyones pity, he hated feeling helpless.

but when he was ago he just let go. threw up all he could more often than not, enjoying the short feeling of relief following it, before dull pain built up again, low and unsatisfying, itching him to cough up more flowers. it was a never ending circle.

it didn't take him long until his whole room was full of jasmine.

(and his whole apartment.)

-

things were becoming more or less normal after that and william was acting more like himself again. he was more sociable, his mood improved, he slept better at night and completely regained his confidence out on the ice. 

he still coughed up petals on the regular in overwhelming amounts, but it calmed down a bit. maybe because he stopped being around david as much as he used to in the past, trying to distance himself just a little, trying not to hurt the other in the process. doing his best not to be too obvious about it.

it was harder than he thought with them basically living in each others pockets in the past.

william politely declined his offers to hang out or grab lunch after training or games with a curt shake of his head, instead preferring to be on his own, alone in his home. 

david attempted to pair up with william for pair exercises during training too, like they always used to, skating up to him with a hopeful expression on his face. but william always quickly skated away towards where kappy was standing and clung onto his arm, indicating that they are partners for that exercise. he was very thankful for kappy not commenting on it more than with a raised eyebrow. david would drop his head in surrender and skate into the other direction again. 

he told himself that increasingly hurt looks david sent him every time had nothing to do with him slowly destroying their friendship and the bond they had with his stupid actions and not well thought out decisions.

but seriously, it took him less than a month to fill his entire apartment with those flowers. they were **everywhere**. 

the smell of them was heavy around his home, constantly lingering in the air and transferring onto williams hair, skin and clothes. 

gigantic bouquets sitting in vases, pots and glasses all over his apartment, a few of them drying on the heater and pressed between books. others just laying around randomly in the corners, under his table or hidden in plastic bags thrown in drawers and closets. 

hell there were even some under his bed and behind the refrigerator. 

there were simply everywhere, to the point of william randomly finding them stuffed into his jackets or jeans' pockets because he had no place to put them anymore.

kappy was the first to notice. **again**.

he found the jasmine petals when they met up to work out at the gym together. he asked to borrow williams phone to call someone urgently because he forgot his own somewhere at home.

"it's in my jackets left pocket," william said without blinking an eye and continued to work out.

first there was the sound of shuffling and then it was silent for a few seconds before kappy spoke up again. "why are there jamine petals in your coats pocket?" he asked in a weird tone.

"what?" william asked startled, even tho he understood the question perfectly, just playing for time.

"why. are. there. jasmine. petals. in your. coats. pocket," kappy repeated slowly, like william was an idiot and rolled his eyes, holding up and waving the flowers in his free hand.

william ducked his head and fumbled with his fingers nervously, not knowing what to say. 

"i found them on my way here," he settled with in the end.

kappy just raised his eyebrows further.

"you also have been smelling like them lately. what's up with that?" he continued, weird expression william couldn't recognize still present on his face. "new obsession?"

william shrugged. "they look nice and smell very good," he shot back defensively, no knowing what else to say without spilling everything out that's on his mind to kappy.

"right," kappy said, looking at him with narrowed eyes **again** , still unconvinced but let it go and focused on using williams phone again.

it took william everything in him to surpress the sigh of relief that threatened to spill out.

he still hadn't told anyone about it and he didn't plan to do so anyway. he wanted to keep it a secret, didn't feel like explaining it to anyone at all. 

he could tell kappy. he knew william was gay, that wasn't the problem. but still..

he had his reasons, alright?

**Author's Note:**

> got constructive criticism? let me know in the comments, i‘d be happy to know what i can do better next time!


End file.
